lovenlosses

What was I supposed to do?
I knew that I was losing you
There was no way to change your mind
I knew that we’d run out of time.

You knew what you were looking for
Used up, spit out…shown to the door
There were no options …. I had no choice
I couldn’t speak ….. I lost my voice.

The dye was cast …. got sent away
Had no recourse …. I had no say
Was told the way that it would be
You were done …. so done with me.

You had a plan …. get one step closer
A level up …. once we were over
A rising star …. whose destiny
Simply no longer …. included me.

On your way … straight to the top
I wasn’t one to make you stop
I stepped aside … you barreled thru
No way …. no how …. no stopping you.

Constant nagging ….. criticizing
Ain’t doing me no good
Telling me what I should do
Your could’a …. should’a …..would.

Too much guilt …. too much shame
Self doubt consumes my mind
This constant degradation
It’s your problem ….. it’s not mine.

What about your own mistakes?
Stop making accusations
I chastise myself when I’m wrong
Don’t need your condemnation.

So tired of feeling down and out
We both know …. life’s too short
So think before you say something
You may need to abort.

Hold your tongue …. just think twice
Will this harm or will it help?
If it’s deemed to be quite hurtful
Best to keep it to yourself.

I didn’t know where this would lead
You wanted so much more from me
You held my  hand…I held you back
Tried not to cry, not to react. 

I couldn’t see three feet ahead
We spent way too much time in bed
I was confused…. too much , too fast
There was no way that this could last.

No match for you …. could  not keep up
In time you’d simply had enough
I lost my luster  … interest waned
I started feeling so ashamed.

Out of my mind… so out of step
Left with sorrow and regret
Worlds apart …. we came unglued
Just wanted to be close to you.

Always searching …. wanting more
What was it you were looking for?
Prestige, assurance …. security 
The things you didn’t find in me. 

Nothing was the way it seemed
It felt like I was in a dream
Your words were garbled,  cold and strong
I heard you say this is all wrong.

I let go ….. I didn’t fight it
You weren’t amused, you weren’t excited
You cut the ties ….. dissolved the bond.
I looked for you, but you were gone.

Nothing left but skin and bones
Twice picked through … now left alone
Nothing there to hold onto
It was over… I lost you.

How could you break
A solemn vow?
How could you do it?
Tell me how.

How could you turn 
Your back on me
Cut me open
Watch me bleed?

My deepest …. darkest
Thoughts and dreams
My heart and soul
What did it mean?

I laid bare 
My innocence 
Now nothing matters 
Or makes sense.

I trusted you
No holds barred
Gave into you
Exposed my scars.

All the while
You had betrayed
The promises
The bond we made.

Nothing sacred
Or revered
All that’s left
Regret and tears.

Walking on egg shells 
Afraid  all the time
It’s hard  to accept it
You’re no longer mine.

Where ‘s the attraction?
The nights of pure lust?
Now all that you feel
Is distain and disgust.

So tired of your comments
Remarks … and complaints
You’re no Prince Charming
No you aren’t ….no you ain’t.

No way to go back 
No way to rewind
We can’t sort it out
Can’t fix it… this time.

The sense of  remorse
The sadness , the pain
The hurt and regret
Is all that remains.

The night we met
It was love at first sight
I’ll never forget 
How I felt that night.

Up in the clouds
Couldn’t get any higher
Had no idea … I was
Playing with fire.

No reason to doubt
No reason to fear
The thrill and elation
Brought me to tears. 

Passion and lust
Such pure desire
The surge I felt
When  playing with  fire.

All that was left
Were charred remains
Burned though my skin
Each time I came.

The ash …. the tar
The sparks …. the flames
The harsh regret … 
The pain….. the shame. 

I called your phone
I sent a text
You left right after
We had sex.

What went wrong?
What did I do?
I should have never
Trusted you.

I got played 
I didn’t know
I never dreamed
That you would go.

There was nothing
I could do
It was over 
We were through.

We never got
To talk things over
I never got 
A sense of closure.

Gave me up
For someone new
I’m still not over 
Losing you. 

You think you know
Someone so well
Guess some things
Are just  hard to tell.

When I realized it was over
When it was …. so plain to see
I knew there was no going back
You were done …. so done with me.

All the while I tried pretending
Hoping you might change your mind
But nothing that I did or said
Was going to work … this time.

Every single conversation
Ended in a fight
No chance to try and work it out
I knew that you were right.

Pick your battles
Pick your poison
Straight up shots
So cold … they’re frozen. 

100 proof
No need to doubt
There’s plenty there
Just check it out.

Shocked …. amazed
What could I do?
I spent the night
Alone with you. 

Buried deep
Could not crawl out
Was tethered …. held
There was no doubt.

Battle scars
Bruised and blamed
Consumed with heartache
Lust and shame. 

Longed to feel
The open air
The touch of magic 
In the air.

Off the ledge
On sturdy ground
I made my way
I came back down.

No sad goodbyes
Good as it gets
Now hoping
I can just forget.

Wish that I 
Could just forget
All my mistakes
Lies and regrets.

All the time 
I spent with you
I should’a known
What you would do.

Too much time
So much heartache
Not enough
No give and take

Left me with
A ton of trouble
Too much for me
To move ….. to shovel.

Up to my knees
I was waist deep
I wasn’t yours
Not yours to keep.

I tried to breathe
Knocked to the ground
Could not get up
You held me down.

With one last breath
I begged …. I pleaded
Had what you wanted  
Not what I needed.

Round the block
Away from you
I knew just what
I had to do.

Came up for air
Took one last breath
Need to move on
Have to forget.